Dating: How To Take Things Slow
It seems like these days everyone is in a rush. We speed to get to work, we eat faster, do high intensity, fast workouts and even the speed of the internet is revving higher than ever. Considering how many people complain about anxiety, indigestion and mistakes made under the pressure to “act fast”, it doesn’t seem like fast is always better. Still, there are some thing are best taken slow, relationships are definitely one of those things. For advice on how to take things slow and savor the moments in dating, keep reading.
Slowing down in this fast paced world.
It’s hard to go slow in a relationship when it seems like everyone is rushing to move in together, go on vacation and get married, but it really is important to take things slow especially if you’ve met someone online. Why? Without having any other people who can vouch for this person, you should take your time and make sure that they’re being up front about who they really are.
Below are a few steps to getting to know someone at an easy pace:
- Have an easy going free chat online at least 3 times before you meet in person. Preferably talk over some form of video chat, or skype, in order make sure they match their profile photo.
- Meet up for lunch or coffee the first time you meet in person. There is less pressure that way and also there will be no need to drink on the first date (which is definitely a no-no).
- Talk on the phone, but not every day. If you’re always talking on the phone with someone, it can give you a false sense that you know the person, when really, without being about to read their body language, you’ll have no idea if they’re being honest.
- Go to events where you’ll be able to share your opinion on subjects and hear theirs. Comedy shows are good, so are art galleries and documentary film screenings.
- Have double dates with their friends and yours. This way you’ll be able to see who they are when they’re with other people. You can also see what kind of people they hang out with, after all, the saying “birds of a feather, flock together” is said for a reason. Having your friends meet them is also important in order to get their opinion on them.
- Wait to have sex as long as possible. Once you’ve had sex, you can’t exactly go back to holding hands. I’m not saying wait for years or anything, but make sure you feel comfortable talking about their sexual history, before you add them to yours.
Chemical reasons to go slow in dating.
I can’t tell you how many couples I know that are SO into each other at the beginning of a relationship, they talk about marriage, kids, the works! Then, after a few months, I find out they’ve broken up. The thing with romance and dating is that it’s easy to let our initial passion get the better of us.
It makes sense, since biochemically, our bodies are going nuts! Neurotransmitters in our brains are shooting off adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin. All of these chemicals make us have more energy, less of an appetite and an almost addiction like feeling when we’re around the one we like. However, those feelings don’t last and when they fade, if you’ve only been physical with your date or talked about far off future plans, you may find that you have no idea who you’re dating!
Interestingly enough, once you’ve had sex, there is a different chemical released in your brain. Oxytocin is released by both male and female partners during sex. This hormone deepens the feelings of attachment and makes couples feel much closer to one another after they have had sex. That’s good if you know each other well, but if you don’t you could end up feeling close to someone who isn’t really right for you.
If you’re really in love, what’s the rush?
Think about it, when you have a gourmet meal in front of you, wouldn’t you rather savor every bite, than wolf it down? If you’ve really met someone special, it’s better to take your time, get to know them slowly. If someone is pressuring you to move faster than you’d like in dating, tell them that you really want to appreciate every moment with them and not rush past the best parts.
Take a breath and appreciate what you have today with the person you’re dating. After all, that’s what will help to ensure you still have a relationship tomorrow.
Good luck out there in the dating world!